


Anyways and Contrarywise

by deliriumbubbles



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 08:06:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5910244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deliriumbubbles/pseuds/deliriumbubbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Warnings: Some saneism. I couldn’t get around it using this prompt, but overall, I try not to peg it as stereotypically bad, despite Kurt’s association with lack of reason, which begins to lessen at the end.<br/>Summary: Before Midnight Madness, Kurt reflects on the strange world of NYADA. After, he reflects on his motivations and his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anyways and Contrarywise

When Kurt had first come to NYADA, he’d thought that college was just like high school: full of arbitrary divisions, social rules, and people pathetically jockeying for status. After a few weeks, Kurt came to realize that it really _wasn’t_ like high school. It was more like Wonderland.

The place was full of _mad people._

 

At a moment’s notice, the Red Queen Tibideaux might cry off with her head and boot someone from the program for not enunciating her Rs enough. Cassandra July was the March Hare, crying out in the middle of class for them to change places, take a new position. His music theory professor fell asleep during class sometimes. Clearly he came from a long line of door mice. As for the rest of the professors, well… They might not be on _opium_ , but he was pretty sure his acting professor smoked pot. He could smell it on him, sometimes.

Kurt could imagine him, particularly tweaked out, asking a first year come into his office, “WhO aRe YoU?!”

Then again, any school that had an underground vocal fight club, literally called “Midnight Madness,” exempted itself from the normal working order of things.

Before returning to the school that night, but after Apples practice, Kurt went back with his own Mad Hatter (or Beanie-Wearer) to his small apartment. Adam set his bag down, smiled warmly at Kurt, and went to his hotplate to put on the kettle. 

“I know you’re nervous, but are you even the least bit excited? I’ve always seen these ‘battles’ go down, but I’ve never participated in one.” 

“I don’t think excited is the word.” Kurt shrugged and walked over to him. Not that there was that much distance to be had between them in the tiny apartment.

Adam set down two mismatched mugs and looked back at Kurt with a furrowed brow. “You’re an amazing singah. You have nothing to worry about.”

“I won’t win.”

“Kuht! You very well _could_.”

Kurt shrugged again and came over to Adam, who brought his hand to Kurt’s cheek and  watched his eyes.

“I never thought I’d win. When I’m up against Rachel, I never win.”

Adam’s frown deepened. “Then why… Why are you doing this?”

“Because because I can beat her.” When Adam looked confused, Kurt sighed. “It’s not the same as winning. I can sing the song better than her. And if I do? She’ll know. She’ll be reminded that she isn’t the hottest thing in this school. With the way she’s acting now, she’ll get kicked out before she lands a role. She’ll ruin connections she might need later. But I can challenge her, and I can hold a looking glass up to her face, make her realize what she’s becoming.”

Adam swallowed. “You know that if you do lose, you won’t be the most popular of students. Losing Midnight Madness tends to mar a person’s status as long as they’re in the NYADA community.”

“Oh, like I’m that popular anyway. I’ve never had that kind of social currency; I’ll never miss it.” Kurt looked down for a moment. “I know it seems _crazy_ , but Rachel is an old friend. If she keeps going this way, I’ll lose her. I don’t want her divahood getting in the way of our friendship, and pretty much all of her dreams.”

“That’s sort of ridiculously generous of you.” Adam took the kettle off the hotplate as it began to whistle, then poured hot water into each of the cups. “Well, then. Here’s a bit of tea, good for the vocal chords and madmen preparing for pyrrhic victories.”

“Can I have pyrrhic cookies, too?” Kurt asked cheekily. 

Adam grinned and pulled a tupperware container from one cabinet. 

Later that night, the world turned completely upside down. And Rachel’s house of cards supporting her status as the Showcase winner collapsed under jealousy, gossip, and an very concrete loss. In her eyes, before Brody had even done the count, Kurt could see the insecurity… Not as much as he’d anticipated. She felt intimidated, she knew he was _as good_ as her, but she didn’t recognize that she’d gotten the tone of the song all wrong. Emphasized her vocal power over the art of the performance. Was her ego so out of control that Kurt couldn’t help her anymore? She wouldn’t go back to the loft with the awareness that she still had work to do. She didn’t _know it,_ or wouldn’t let herself, and that could have leave Kurt with nothing at all.

But then the pieces shifted, more to Kurt’s side than hers, and to Kurt’s utter amazement, _he had won._

What kind of nonsense was this? What kind of place let this sort of thing happen, Kurt winning over Rachel? Where was the last minute practical disaster that Kurt had to handle, where was the cost of taking the spotlight, where was the incomprehensible shift in her favor?

Not there. Not that night. Maybe not at all. Kurt felt his hands shaking as Adam gave him a squeeze around the shoulders, and more than one person came up to him to tell him how moving his piece was. One asked how he could sing so clearly while being on the verge of tears, and for the first time, he had a conversation about someone about his craft, without the other person jumping through hoops to sound like they knew it all already. She _genuinely_ wanted to discuss technique.

This world was mad. He liked this world.

So much that he forgot what his plan was for Rachel. For a while, anyway. By the time he’d returned to Adam’s flat with him, he was conflicted, and felt guilty. His star was on the rise, and she had taken this huge fall. But would this make the lesson sink in? Had he hurt her more than helped her? And of course, now he had to ask himself if he’d really been doing it for her, or just hoping in a strained, ridiculous way, to be recognized over the so-called friend who had thrown him to the side recently?

“I could really be a monster,” Kurt muttered. He poked the noodles in his pho and stared vacantly. 

Adam sipped his own broth. “You are no monster.”

“I can’t believe I did that tonight.” Kurt shook his head. “I ruined her.”

“She was very well capable of doing better herself, you know. I heard her at the Showcase as well as you, and she done that song _wrong._ ”

“I know every _Les Mis_ song by heart,” Kurt protested. “I could’ve easily messed up if it was a different musical number.”

“Be that as it may, she’s sung other _Les Mis_ songs during free sing, and she sings them _all_ as though they’re Barbra numbers.” Adam shook his head and then grabbed Kurt’s shoulder. “Kuht, you did _well._ Admit it! You did well!”

Kurt could feel a headache forming behind the wrinkle in his brow. He wasn’t happy about this. He wanted to be. He wanted to _celebrate a victory_ for a change.

“I could’ve had purer intentions,” Kurt said, finally.

“You wanted to help her. I think that actually defeating her has a better chance of puncturing her swelled head than not.”

“Did I, though? Maybe… Maybe I wanted the attention too, just a little bit.”

Adam set his soup down and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his crossed legs. “I wish you had.”

“What?”

“I _wish_ you were that calculating. I wish you could have challenged her, knowing that you deserved to win, and deserved to be treated better than she’s been treating you. Because you deserved more recognition around here. I wish you could just see what you wanted, and take it, without having to feel _so bad_ about your own success.”

“Adam, that doesn’t make any sense. I shouldn’t go for things to hurt my friends.”

“Success isn’t a zero sum game. And have you ever really done that? This challenge was personal. You weren’t denying her a role, sneakily stealing a solo from her. There’s such a thing as fair competition, and there are times when you shouldn’t compete at all.” Adam pinched his mouth to the side. “I don’t know why you think you have to be the one giving things up, either.”

“Just feels… the way it should be.”

“Perfect nonsense,” Adam said. “You want some more tea?”

“Tea today, tea tomorrow…”

“Clean cup, clean cup, move down, move down, clean cup, clean cup, move down!” Adam sang.

Kurt chuckled and sat back, watching him move about in the tiny kitchen area. Adam had been a thousand percent on his side this week. Kurt sort of doubted that anyone else in his life would have been. There were days when he wondered if even his father would wholly support him in tight situations, moral gray areas. Especially where certain others– still in Lima– who he might fight with.

NYADA really was a whole new world. And Kurt couldn’t seem to get a sense of up from down around here.

“‘Twas brillig,” Kurt sang softly as he rose to his feet. “And the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe.”

Adam turned and raised. Kurt approached him, narrowing his eyes and tilting his head back. Adam took in a sudden breath, watching him. 

“All mimsy were the borogoves-” Kurt moved his hand up Adam’s firm chest. “And the mome raths, outgrabe….”

“Lovely,” Adam said softly. “Lewis Carroll was one of us, you know.”

“ _Everything_ in my life is nonsense. I don’t even understand… How did I get into NYADA?”

“Kuht-”

“My boyfriend cheated on me. As if that weren’t enough to send my sense of reality into a tailspin.” Kurt closed his eyes for a moment. “And my dad has _cancer_. He was taking care of himself. I know he was. He was doing everything _right_ , and now he’s _dying_ again.”

“ _Oh_ …” Adam’s hand settled on Kurt’s back. His thumb moved back and forth, soothingly.

“And my best friend… She knows, but… It took her no time at all to get rid of me for these parasitic sycophants who only care about attaching themselves to the underbelly of biggest fish in the NYADA pond.”

Adam wrapped his other arm around Kurt and held him close to his chest. 

“Any _one_ of these things shouldn’t be. Shouldn’t exist. And yet they all do. All of these things are _happening_.” Kurt let out a heavy sigh and dropped his forehead onto Adam’s shoulder.

“Like attracts like, sometimes. It’s not fair, or sensible, but sometimes it feels like… everything impossible happens at once.”

“Un-hn.” Kurt made a noise in his throat and then moved his arms around Adam, comforted by the feeling of Adam’s quiet strength. After a few silent moments, Kurt could feel Adam’s hand petting over the back of his hair.

“Not much of a celebration,” Kurt murmured finally.

“We’ll have a celebration for you with the Apples later this week,” Adam said.

Kurt started to shake his head. “Oh, no, you don’t-” 

“We _do._ We don’t get enough wins in this life. Best to celebrate the ones available to us. And-” Adam gave him another squeeze and then, after a second of hesitation, kissed Kurt’s forehead. “- I think you need some time tonight, too. Properly deal with some of the less… triumphant factors of your life right now.”

Kurt sighed. He felt tired, suddenly. Then he looked up again, pressed his palm to Adam’s cheek, and kissed him, firmly.

“I-I um…” Adam sputtered, before his face just exploded into a bright and bashful grin.

Kurt smirked. “That was kind of the response I was hoping for.”

The tea kettle whistled, and Kurt reached over to move it away from the burner, keeping his eyes locked with Adam’s. Instead of pouring the tea, Kurt touched either side of Adam’s face with his fingers, then kissed him again, and again. Adam laughed softly as Kurt brushed their noses together.

There was no making sense of his life right now, but there was a chance that this mad world that Kurt had stumbled into would make at least as much sense as his previous life, maybe more. As their lips continued to meet, as Kurt coaxed Adam to the couch with him, his heart surged inside his chest. He could think of no better comfort and celebration. His life even if his life was currently both up and down, and sideways and crossways, and anyways and contrariwise. 


End file.
